Some women say that they prefer to be single as opposed to “settling” for a man who doesn’t exactly meet their standards for a life partner.
So, what are these standards exactly? I find that at a younger age, mainly in a woman’s 20’s, her standards list can stretch from here to Zanzibar, and may be trivial to say the least, I know my list certainly meet this criteria. What’s interesting is that as we creep into our 30’s, and for those who are interested in creating families, the list begins to quickly diminish in size and you begin to here the language around this go from the dreaded “settling” to a minor “compromise”. So why does it take the pressure to procreate or to avoid being single in our later adult life for us to reevaluate the things we see as important in a mate?
Here are three things to consider when evaluating what you want in a life partner:
1) What are the non-negotiable?
This can differ depending on your age. In my early twenties, you may vow to never date a man with kids. At 28 or better yet 30, this is an unreasonable requirement. A large percentage of the men in their late twenties & early thirties, may very well have at least one child. If this is something that separates you from the “man of my dreams”, it may need to be reconsidered. Rethink those “non-negotiables”. First asses why they are non-negotiables to begin with. Play several scenarios in your head about how you could work around or work with this very permanent part of his life. How would it effect your life? Most importantly, don’t lead with the “worst case scenario” to make your decision. If you’re picking the right guy, chances are he wouldn’t let the “worst case scenario” play out anyways.
2) What do you need? and Why?
Differentiating between what you need and what you wanted is a lesson learned early on in life. You have to be clear about the differences and understand that you can live without your wants, but getting the things you need, gives you life!
Look at those standards and separate the list between the things you need from a partner and those characteristics you’d want him to have. Think about the man that encompasses both lists and combine the items on the list that will give you the most out of your relationship.
3) Are you ready to receive this man?
We create lists that outline all of the things that a man needs to have in order to be in our lives. How often do we think about what we have to offer that kind of man. What would attract that kind of man to you?
Having a degree, being level headed, professional, beautiful and driven are not unique characteristics. You and about 100 other women with their lists hold the same credentials. Are you compassionate? Are you willing to love him the way he needs to be loved? Are you able to have a sense of humor and be flexible to the changes that may occur in him? Can you view his vulnerabilities as just that, and not moments of weakness? Are you are spiritual as you require him to be?
It’s easy to boost our egos by waving our physical accomplishment in front of men as warnings as we size them up for potential partners… It’s much more difficult to look at the character traits that makes us real women and women worthy of a man like the ones we put on those lists.
We stand in our way much more than we think. When we can take a minute to reevaluate the things we require in our lives, it can create the movement we desire. However ,this can not happen without the willingness to take a deeper look at who you are.